urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:the_slow_drag electric license. cheryl! 2009-05-05T15:47:08Z urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:the_slow_drag:132574 2009-05-05T15:47:08Z 2009-05-05T15:47:08Z I need motivation right now more than anything in the world. I keep contemplating not working today, realizing how ridiculous that is because of my very soon lack of work, and going back and forth until I am left sitting here updating livejournal.<br />I&nbsp;might come home for mothers day or at least sometime around then. I want to go to the lilac festival more than anything in the world and have decided to do so no matter what. so, I would like to see people, smell flowers with whoever is willing, and spend too much time in the arms of whoever will have me (hugs,hugs,hugs.please!) <br />I have felt kind of off and disconnected lately, but I think I&nbsp;am making progress in that regard. I&nbsp;have tried explaining this to a few people, but when I try to talk about it it does not make as much sense as I&nbsp;want it to.&nbsp;There is something I am missing that I found over the summer. Something about being alone and how free it felt, when floating around not having any real responsibility felt fucking amazing. I still sort of feel like I am floating, but it just is not as satisfying. In a lot of ways, it just feels lonely.&nbsp; I need to stop working this census job, ASAP, because I think it is destroying my soul a little. I am craving super real &amp; serious interactions with people, and that job is so far from that.<br /><br />I went to sleep really happy last night and I feel slightly silly for the reason why. I keep going back and forth between just about every emotion that I could feel, and it is straight up stupid. I need to get over any insecurities I have which hold me back from feeling 100% positive about everything that is happening around me. I think I might just be on my way to that though. At least for today.<br /><br />I guess I need to go work? urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:the_slow_drag:132128 2009-04-11T16:34:03Z 2009-04-11T16:34:03Z <br />So&nbsp;I started <a href="http://cherylboberyl.blogspot.com/">this</a>&nbsp;awhile ago in an effort to work on myself, whatever that means. I have been trying to think about confidence and assertiveness and trying to be a person I am really proud of. <br />Basically, I wanted something to keep track. Something to keep me accountable. This sounds super lame, but its honest.<br /><br />in other news:<br />I&nbsp;am kind of smitten. It feels weird, but good. And I finally think I&nbsp;am ready to accept it. <br />This doesnt really mean anything other than that&nbsp;I am finally open to romance (and want it), for the first time in awhile. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:the_slow_drag:131976 2009-02-24T23:00:52Z 2009-02-24T23:00:52Z Its been almost a week of not eating sugar and I&nbsp;feel super pumped about it. <br />What I&nbsp;am most excited about is that I have realized this is something that I&nbsp;am completely capable of. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:the_slow_drag:131631 2009-02-18T22:04:25Z 2009-02-18T22:04:25Z i want things to be good/back to normal for everyone that i love.<br />i want it to be summer and to go swimming.<br />and i want new paltz to feel magical the way it used to.<br /><br />everything just feels so heavy lately (and it is). urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:the_slow_drag:131388 2009-02-13T00:39:06Z 2009-02-13T00:39:06Z today simon asked if i was ready to have a day that i would never forget. <br />i wasn't. i opted for cleaning.<br />however, today was the best day i have had in a considerable amount of time.<br /><p>these reasons made it so: </p><p>my eye has not hurt all day<br />cleaning the heck out of EVERYTHING. my room, the bathroom, kitchen, &amp;&nbsp; living room. <br />a huge dinner of seitan, mashed potatoes, green beans, biscuits and gravy<br />i had some whiskey at 4pm and felt super about it. (in my family we call this 'tea time')<br />i put that rice pack on the internet here: http://www.cherylboberyl.etsy.com<br />opening/drinking a bottle of dutch barn red that kate and i have saved for a long time. it went to the west coast with us and back.<br />we are going to watch butch cassidy and the sundance kid tonight<br />and hopefully play a game<br />and i think i am getting paid tomorrow.<br /><br />theres probably more.<br /><br />a day not to forget, indeed.<br /><br />&nbsp;</p><br /> urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:the_slow_drag:131129 2009-02-12T04:04:51Z 2009-02-12T04:04:51Z dasha/woelv/dasha + Today was my second day of work in months. I am working for Matt Ross's mom doing some realty/reception work and it isn't too bad. It feels good to be productive and accomplish tasks<br />+Yesterday I made one of those rice hot/cold packs. I embroidered knotweed on it and filled it with rice, lavendar and chamomile. It kind of rules. Tomorrow I&nbsp;am going to try and sell it on the internet. (any takers?)<br />+I feel really excited and pumped about farm plan things that are happening. Pat's Mom and Bill want to invest in land and have us farm it, and have it as a place for them to live when they retire. This means too many exciting awesome things, but it seems like my future is coming together in a lot of ways regarding that stuff.<br />+Tommy sent me the new Dasha CD and I can't stop listening to it. I have no plans to either, no matter what anyone says.<br />+ Leslie was in town the other day and it was a super pleasant surprise and I miss her a lot.<br />+ I&nbsp;feel fucking awesome about playing the clarinet lately. <br />+ Toey has been really cute and cudly lately.<br /><br />- I might have a stye. I really don't know, but my eyelid hurt a hell of a lot the other day and was swollen. I&nbsp;bought these special stye eye drops and they are a dream. <br />- I finished season 4 of Angel the other day and it was not nearly as good as I was hoping<br />- I miss Rochester way too much. I was going to go home this weekend, but instead am waiting until the 28th. So, hopefully I&nbsp;see people then?<br /><br />+/- Valentine's day is Saturday. I am going to go to Simon's permaculture workshop/potluck and it is the best thing I could think of doing. I&nbsp;don't care about the romance aspect of that day so much, but sometimes I think I&nbsp;wouldn't mind it.<br />+/- I watched Robocop yesterday.<br />+/- I have been super into playing cards lately but don't really have anyone to play with. I have been playing Euchre online with strangers as a result. pathetic. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:the_slow_drag:130837 2009-01-08T19:21:15Z 2009-01-08T19:21:15Z i feel off lately.<br />my neck has been itching a lot, which leads me to believe i have some kind of rash but really that seems impossible. its frustrating and i want it to go away and it feels too much like my life (its annoying at times, and at others fine).<br />i took a census test today so that i can possibly get a job taking the census. despite the fact that i got all of the questions correct, resulting in a grade of 100%, it does not make up for the fact that i constantly feel like my life has no purpose.<br />i think that this whole unemployment gig has got me feeling self conscious/bad about myself. i feel bad about much more than just not working. i think it is clouding my whole judgment of myself. its stupid and makes no sense, but that is all i am willing to admit in trying to explain it. i know that having a job may not change this, as i need to be doing something i feel good about, but i do need someone to answer too, and it cant just be my friends. i have been trying super hard to be productive, but nothing feels like its worth it really. matt gordon keeps telling me that i need to reevaluate what i think counts as progress/productivity/etc, but i cant get myself to do it.<br />for the most part, i have not been eating lunch which results in a grumpy-too-hungry-to-make-food-and-eat-it-cheryl. i need to get over that too. <br />kate is coming home today and that feels good. <br />klessa is going on tour next week, so you should come see us (this also feels good)!<br /><br /><br /><p>1/10 @&nbsp;Market Market in Rosendale<br />Klessa, Why the Wires, Jordaan Mason and the Horse Museum, Orion, Igloom<br />8:00. This show is going to be ridiculous, and if you miss it you're crazy.<br /><br />1/12 @ no radio records in ithaca<br />Klessa, Jordaan Mason and the Horse Museum, Why the Wires<br /><br />1/13 @ erik and tim's house in Rochester<br />Klessa, Jordaan Mason and the Horse Museum...more?<br /><br />1/14 (my birthday) @ the oxford hotel in Toronto<br />Klessa, Jordaan Mason and the horse museum, Sarah D, Whatever Jailer, Teadora Nikolova<br /><br />1/15 @ the tranzac in Toronto<br />Klessa, Jordaan Mason and The Horse Museum, Sarah D, Teadora Nikolova<br /><br />1/16 @ the Kitschen in Guelphh<br />Klessa, Jordaan Mason and the Horse Museum, Sarah D, Teadora Nikolova<br /><br />1/17 @ Castle Rockmore in Syracuse<br />Klessa, Hello Halebopp, Marco Polio, Tailings<br /><br />adresses and stuff here: <a href="http://www.myspace.com/plancakes">www.myspace.com/plancakes </a><br /><br /><br />i am looking forward to this/need this. i get to wake up on my birthday in my parents house and spend the whole day with really awesome people in a really awesome house. <br />i cant imagine anything better.<br /><br />thats all. i need to stop feeling bad for/about myself and start doing sweet shit. <br />&nbsp;</p> urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:the_slow_drag:130697 2008-12-23T15:07:59Z 2008-12-23T15:07:59Z i am in rochester. i have been waiting to be here for what feels like months, and i am already unsure how i feel about it. last night was kind of emotional for some strange reason. i talked to my mom about family things that are fucked up/make no sense. we talked about my aunt for the first time in a while, and my grandpa, and between the two of us i think we felt enough hurt for the whole world to know never to mess up their relationships with people they love. if only that were true.<br />today i am going to decorate our christmas tree, probably alone. thats not how i wanted it to go, but i am excited anyway.<br />i am only going to be here for a week, but right now that feels like eternity. i want to see as many people as i can, gets as many hugs as possible, and never let go of some people. <br />there is too much to do.<br /><br />the drive to rochester last night was terrifying and beautiful. there was an accident of 3 cars and a gigantic truck which required helicopters and sitting in traffic for an hour. it made me so scared about my friends dying for some reason that i thought about how destroyed i would be if that happened. i cant help but think i would like to wrangle up everyone i love into one room and keep them there forever. safe. but still it would not work. <br /><br />i need to see people and be excited and happy, not worried and emotional. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:the_slow_drag:130204 2008-12-17T15:40:54Z 2008-12-17T15:40:54Z there is finally snow on the ground and even though its not enough, i feel great about it. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:the_slow_drag:129974 2008-11-30T14:50:51Z 2008-11-30T14:50:51Z today i woke up to complete silence. i dont remember the last time this happened.<br />thank you gross weather, for making those god damn construction workers across the street stop.<br /><br />i watched hancock last night. what the hell? urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:the_slow_drag:129701 2008-11-24T20:27:22Z 2008-11-24T20:27:22Z kate, simon, and matt ross have left for thanksgiving. even though matt and pat are still around, i already feel like i am going stir crazy a little. there are a lot of things i want to do, but i don't know where to begin or how to start. i will only be alone for two or three nights, but i am unsure if i am capable of handling that. it is weird to remember a time in my life where i loved and needed alone time. i guess i have to find that again. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:the_slow_drag:129371 2008-11-20T00:04:36Z 2008-11-20T00:04:36Z <img src="http://www.toyarchive.com/Furby/4thOfJulyFurby1a.jpg" /><br /><br /><img src="http://www.toyarchive.com/Furby/RockStarFurbyOrange1a.jpg" /><br /><br />yum!! urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:the_slow_drag:129127 2008-11-07T05:34:33Z 2008-11-07T05:34:33Z lately i have been feeling kind of weird (sometimes).<br />obama is going to be our next president, which is pretty cool.<br />the other day i hiked to the top of mohonk for the first time ever, and it ruled. i experienced clarity there that i was not expecting, but needed.<br />yesterday kate and i drove to vegan treats. we got a lot of vegan treats. they are all much too sweet, almost gross, but great.<br />i watched blue velvet for the first time tonight, despite hating it at parts, i liked it a lot overall.<br /><br />everything feels new lately. maybe because in some ways it is.<br />i am going to canada next week to record parts for jordaan's album. this will be fun. i will also be in rochester for one night only (monday). we will see what this means.<br /><br />i drank wine tonight and am feeling it. i should be sleeping but david lynch makes me feel weird so i am not ready for it.<br /><br />i dont know about a lot of things. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:the_slow_drag:128839 2008-10-27T17:25:14Z 2008-10-27T17:25:14Z i just found a large envelope of things that were packed away when i moved out of 266. in it were all the letters that i have saved from people, which are not many, but i read them all anyway. i also found letters i wrote and never sent, and i have no idea why. <br />i want to listen to the microphones and mountain goats constantly. i feel kind of lame about that, but don't know that i should.<br />i miss people.<br />fall is almost over.<br />after this week i will only be working 2-3 days a week. this is terrifying because of money, but a welcome change because something had to. <br />i really want to go to grad school.<br />i really do not want to pay for it.<br />i don't know if i need it.<br /><br />i have been talking about the future a lot. plans. i want everything to happen sooner than it can, but i know it is ok even if it takes years (which i imagine it will). i want to talk to everyone i know about this, these plans, but i havent. we had dinner with some really amazing people the other night to talk about sustainable communities, and it made me feel really great to know that people are making it work. its also really amazing to make connections with people and learn from them. i think this will be really good and look forward to doing it more.<br /><br />kate and i are going to go wine tasting around here next monday. then in the finger lakes on the way to canada for jordaan recording. it may be stupid, but i am really excited about this. it just kills me to see so many jerks having wondering autumn weekends wine tasting, and not be able to do it myself. <br /><br />we still need to have a room warming party. and i want to do it soon. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:the_slow_drag:128560 2008-10-16T14:06:34Z 2008-10-16T14:06:34Z i got a nose bleed this morning, for the first time ever.<br /><br />what the fuck? urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:the_slow_drag:128265 2008-10-06T16:27:47Z 2008-10-06T16:27:47Z its fall and i have been feeling far too nostalgic lately. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:the_slow_drag:128008 2008-09-23T17:04:18Z 2008-09-23T17:04:18Z things are really good.<br />trying,trying,trying to be as productive as possible. ie: painting, reupholstering a chair, writing, reading, working, etc.<br />i really don't know where i would be (geographically, emotionally and mentally) if i were not in new paltz. it has been everything that i need and want.<br />that said, i will be in rochester this weekend. so who knows how that will go.<br />but yeah, things are good. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:the_slow_drag:127865 2008-08-29T04:46:06Z 2008-08-29T04:46:06Z being home is weird in ways that i cannot really describe. it has been nice seeing people, but i still feel like i cannot really relate in the same way that i want to. i am eager to return to new paltz, where i hope i feel at least slightly more comfortable. i worry that i wont, or that i will still need time to adjust to being back. i dont think i can bare to feel strange there though because it has always provided comfort for me. i have high hopes.<br />i will be in rochester for a few more days. i am spending tomorrow night at my cottage. i am really looking forward to this, as it has been probably at least two years since i have spent a night there with my family. <br />i got my hair cut. it does not look too much different, but it is and i am unsure of how i feel about it. it is just another thing in my life that will take adjusting. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:the_slow_drag:127575 2008-08-26T01:48:11Z 2008-08-26T01:48:11Z i'm home.<br /><br /><br />(one of two)<br /><br />(two of two in one week) urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:the_slow_drag:127423 2008-07-29T17:22:32Z 2008-07-29T17:22:32Z I am in Eugene, Oregon right now. <br />The past few weeks have been really great and rewarding.<br />SO MANY vegan donuts (go to mighty-o donut in Seattle if you are ever there. all organic vegan donuts!)<br />Alan, Noah and Jordan rule, and if they were not leaving Portland, I could easily see myself moving there. <br />Being in Carlton for a week was an amazing experience, and you should probably just read the blog if you want to know about. I have too many good feelings about that place to write.<br />I saw my friend Jess that I haven't seen in years.<br />We ate the most amazing vegan pizza that I could have ever hoped to eat.<br />Saw the Dark Knight for the second time, and while not as good as the first, still ruled.<br />I am realizing things about my life that I don't know I ever would have if we had not gone on this trip. It feels really great vaguely knowing what I want my immediate life to be like. This means nothing because I have absolutely no idea of any specifics. I just know that I want to do and experience new things constantly, and I want people around me that want to do the same.<br /><br />There is too much to say. <br /><br />xo.<br /><br /><br />p.s. there's a new blog entry up: <a href="http://alpacalunch.blogspot.com">http://alpacalunch.blogspot.com</a> urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:the_slow_drag:126976 2008-07-12T03:20:05Z 2008-07-12T03:20:05Z Things have been crazy lately. A lot about my life feels really different, mostly involving food. We are leaving cedar springs on Tuesday and I don't know if I am ready for it yet. I have become very used to being here, eating amazing good food all the time, doing work, and enjoying the outdoors. <br />I feel like there has been so much happening that I don't even really know how to explain it all. Not just events, but thoughts in my head and feelings that I have about people and places. It is really nice to take one day at a time and decide what to do as the day goes on. This is something that I am not used to, but am learning to embrace. <br />Since we have been out here it feels like days and time don't matter. Even though we have been working, everything feels relaxing and healing. I didn't even think that I really needed healing, but maybe I found some here anyway. Overall I would say that this has just given me the time and environment to let go of everything else besides the things that are here. I don't know how much of this makes sense, but I also don't really care. <br /><br />Kate and I are planning on camping out in the tent tonight, which should be a lot of fun. Hopefully it doesn't get too cold because I am a wimp about sleeping in the cold.<br /><br />If you want exciting things to read or look at, go to the alpaca lunch blog and you will probably not be too disappointed. Mostly, we just think it looks real nice and want people to read it. Normally I don't care about that sort of thing.. but whatever. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:the_slow_drag:126955 2008-07-02T03:35:52Z 2008-07-02T03:35:52Z i have been doing a lot.<br /><br />www.alpacalunch.blogspot.com urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:the_slow_drag:126667 2008-06-07T15:25:35Z 2008-06-07T15:25:35Z see you in three months, rochester. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:the_slow_drag:126356 2008-06-06T15:44:16Z 2008-06-06T15:44:16Z so i wrote a few entries, that i did not post, about how i felt about rochester. a lot of it was depressing, and it should not have been. i am coming to remember why i love this city again, instead of feeling anxious and distant from it. i have realized that i just need to place myself around people who are genuinely interested in spending time with me, catching up, etc. <br />as much as i am having a really nice time here, i do need to leave. i need new paltz almost as much as air or water to survive.<br /><br />i bought myself a new ipod the other day, and i feel totally weird/sketchy/selfish about it, but also okay. i now own my car, as it is registered in my name. i somehow got a loan bill in the mail that i was not supposed to get for six months. adulthood is creeping up quickly and it makes me feel uncomfortable and terrified. i know that i will manage just fine, but regardless..<br /><br /><br />i am still nervous (but choosing not to think/trying to ignore) about moving out stuff. being away for a weekish has made it easy to forget, but i know the second that i get back it will be anxiety city. <br /><br />i am leaving for the west coast within the next couple of weeks. i want to write a lot of letters and do a good job of keeping in touch with people. SO, if you want me to send you something, email me your address: cherylboberyl@gmail.com urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:the_slow_drag:126053 2008-05-22T22:38:04Z 2008-05-22T22:38:04Z i got a 3.83 this semester. 3 As and a B+. the funny thing is that i could have totally gotten a 4.0, but i blew it. what is important is that i realized i was capable of getting an A in a science class, and since i got an A in my history seminar, i think it is safe to say that my paper must have been good. (right?)<br /><br />i spent the past two days with oliver, and it was really nice. we went to rochester for the evening last night and saw my parents and lorelai, and went to ming with hwa, doug, and trevor. seeing rory was really nice, even though very short. i want to try and make a trip to providence before we leave for the west coast, but it seems slightly impossible. then again i will be living in limbo for a few days once we move out..<br />which leads me to my next topic...<br /><br />if i make it out of this house alive, it will be a miracle.<br /><br />i hate moving. hate. hate. hate. i need to buy a house, settle down, and never leave. this way i can collect as much crap as possible and ever have to think about what to do with it. <br /><br />it feels so weird to be moving out of this house. for the past three years of my life, this house has meant a lot to me (even though i lived in it for only two). part of me doesnt know how to feel sad about it because i need to get the fuck out more than anything, but another part of me is slightly sentimental. <br /><br />i dont think i can be here right now.