I need motivation right now more than anything in the world. I keep contemplating not working today, realizing how ridiculous that is because of my very soon lack of work, and going back and forth until I am left sitting here updating livejournal.
I might come home for mothers day or at least sometime around then. I want to go to the lilac festival more than anything in the world and have decided to do so no matter what. so, I would like to see people, smell flowers with whoever is willing, and spend too much time in the arms of whoever will have me (hugs,hugs,hugs.please!)
I have felt kind of off and disconnected lately, but I think I am making progress in that regard. I have tried explaining this to a few people, but when I try to talk about it it does not make as much sense as I want it to. There is something I am missing that I found over the summer. Something about being alone and how free it felt, when floating around not having any real responsibility felt fucking amazing. I still sort of feel like I am floating, but it just is not as satisfying. In a lot of ways, it just feels lonely.  I need to stop working this census job, ASAP, because I think it is destroying my soul a little. I am craving super real & serious interactions with people, and that job is so far from that.

I went to sleep really happy last night and I feel slightly silly for the reason why. I keep going back and forth between just about every emotion that I could feel, and it is straight up stupid. I need to get over any insecurities I have which hold me back from feeling 100% positive about everything that is happening around me. I think I might just be on my way to that though. At least for today.

I guess I need to go work?