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[05 May 2008|11:37pm] |
i feel really great about a lot of things lately.
i am about to finish day 5 of my fast, and i feel incredible both mentally and physically. i was going to only do the fast for 7 days, but i am thinking i might try to go for ten.
-colon health rules!
-we played d&d tonight and it was great.
-classes are wrapping up quicker than expected, but i am not worried
-i am super pumped about the last rugroom show! i am going to try and silkscreen posters.
-matt ross is going to drink coffee and eat cherry pie for the first time ever this summer at the double r (tweed's?) in washington.
-i am finishing up a new zine, mostly just so i can get it to my professor before school is over
-although not intended, i think i must have lost weight on this fast. my boobs feel smaller, which is never necessarily a bad thing. i might also just be imagining things, since i do not support scales, or being concerned with them.
-listen to the song M. Daguerre by Rachel's. it is the best GD thing ever. ever. ever.
goodnight.
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[30 Apr 2008|11:43am] |
i have been really disappointed with people lately. not everyone, but more people than i would like to. its a really shitty feeling and one that i am not used to.
i think what is important is that i focus on new paltz (disappointment free) and remember why i live here, and why i never want to leave. its the most perfect bubble a girl could ask for.
today is 2000cake, april edition which is cereal themed. tomorrow i am going to start a fast. i realize this seems silly, but i am planning on this cake being the only not-raw thing i eat today. i hope that i dont loose my shit while doing this fast, because i need to keep it together and concentrate like crazy because of 35 page papers that need finishing.
we have been writing music lately (the past 2 days) to listen to while playing D&D. it rules. i think we have spent more time playing music for D&D than actually playing D&D itself.
i keep getting more and more excited about leaving for this summer.
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[21 Apr 2008|03:47pm] |
i just finished cleaning for about 3 hours straight and now i am totally exhausted.
i honestly don't know if our kitchen has ever been this clean.
i cleaned the inside of the fucking oven.
its been therapeutic.
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[21 Apr 2008|02:15am] |
so its late, and we just got back from syracuse. i am exhausted beyond belief, but i have things on my mind that i needed to get out. i was going to physically write them down, but i couldnt find my journal and did not want the anxiety.
the weekend was really wonderful for the most part.
being in ithaca was easily my favorite part. seeing kevin and haley was an amazing surprise even though i knew i would probably see them. they are really beautiful people with amazing hearts, and i would like to spend much more time with them if ever possible. liz and amanda were fucking great, and it is so nice to make new friends, or strengthen new friendships.
the show was actually really good even though it seemed at first that it might not be.
highlight: breaking and entering, 7 people in a car, pecan pancakes, ithaca falls, day old bakery goods, everything.
rochester was strange. we went to brown bag books, where i spent more money than i was planning on (only $17). the show was pretty fun for the most part. i got to see some people that i totally love, and my parents came. i had a lot of weird anxiety about it, and i am overall kind of bummed that a lot of people i was hoping to see did not come out. i think in some ways it ruined my time a little, which makes me feel pathetic and ungrateful because there were plenty of people to appreciate and love. i think the whole thing made me realize that i really dont have many friends in rochester, and that living there would mean certain misery. it sucks, because i get really excited and pumped on rochester a lot of times, but i feel like rochester isnt pumped about me? sure, that makes sense. i am having a really hard time trying to be honest about all of this, while still getting across that it was nice to play and see some people.
i think my disappointment just overshadowed things for me, stopping me from being able to appreciate everything that was awesome.
pathetic.
highlights: used books, parents, whispering at night with kate, pals
syracuse today was fun. not many people, but good none the less. i feel really good playing our songs, and watching those dang canadians. i am really looking forward to wednesday, when we get to do it again.
highlights: alto cinco, sun, guy in a purple pimp-esque suit with an oxygen tank, canada
i fucking love igloom and kate, matt, simon, and pat. it was really awesome spending the weekend with them, talking in the car with simon and kate, getting to hang with people's parents, and overall just being stoked on new paltz, and getting back here.
thank you to anyone that made any of these things happen. you're swell.
this week is going to be kind of crazy, and even though i am dreading it i am kind of looking forward to keeping busy. my mind needs some clearing, and i think the only way to do that might be through loads of research on moms, streams, and pioneers.
goodnight.
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[14 Apr 2008|11:05am] |
everything is ending so soon. really though, i guess everything is just beginning. i am absolutely terrified that i will be done with college in.. a month? i cant even explain how fucking bizarre that sounds. what is funny is that about 75% of my friends have probably been through this, yet i still cant help feeling a little alone in it. thinking about all the work i have to get done before may is crazy, but once its over..its over. its really sad. unless i go to grad school,
(i hope some day i do) i will never feel the same anxiety over a paper ever again. shit!
klessa weekend this coming weekend!
april 18th
@ no radio records, ithaca ny
8:30
klessa
igloom
yer friend
april 19th
somewhere in rochester, ny
klessa
igloom (acoustic gloomstick)
jordaan mason and the horse museum
whatever jailer
april 20th
castle rockmoore (113 w. borden), syracuse
12-5pm
klessa
igloom
jordaan mason and the horse museum
sarah d.
whatever jailer
hello halebopp
i am really looking forward to spending the weekend with these folks, and being in rochester. i am slightly terrified of it, but i know it will be good.
i am going to ride my bike to school today i hope.
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[07 Apr 2008|10:00pm] |
today was one of the best days i have had in a long time.
fdr library, sushi date with kate, tons of produce from robins, bike ride galore, cookout, pals, four square.
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[30 Mar 2008|03:42pm] |
this paper may very well cause me to lose my mind and/or abandon all hopes and dreams that i have/had for my future.
either that, or miraculously it will make me realize that i am capable of something i didnt think i was.
..but probably not.
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[24 Mar 2008|10:29pm] |
i got back to new paltz today after being gone for a week, and it feels nice but odd to be back. for some reason whenever i leave for more than a couple days it takes getting used to again. rochester was pretty nice, not the whole time, but it was great seeing people and hanging out even though i watched entirely too much tv. spending a night in buffalo was really great too, getting to spend time with tommy, and being blown away by how much i respect roy and mike. i also had a nervous breakdown about my life, which my mother coached me through ending up in the decision to spend this summer west, wwoofing. even though i have all sorts of mixed feelings about what that means for other people (leslie, marc, other people) i realize that i need to do something for myself, while i can, and while i am already broke. i am really pumped on how supportive my mom is about all of this. i think that maybe the reason she is is because she wishes that she had done something like this, and does not want me to forgo an experience just because i am worried about money/life/etc. for some reason the idea of graduating is the most terrifying thing in the world, affecting the way that i look at my relationships with people/the world.
when i got home i was immediately anxious about cleanliness. this resulted in me cleaning up a bit.. mostly little things, but i did bleach the cupboards, and organize bags. it was sad really, but wonderfully fulfilling.
klessa should be playing some shows come april which is really exciting. i really want people to hear this band. really. i hope it goes well.
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[19 Feb 2008|10:00pm] |
anyone using the excuse "boys will be boys" in order to legitimate any kind of behavior is a fucking joke.
i should never let these things get to me, but i always do.
i rearranged my room and it is making me feel like a much happier person already.
i have a lot of work to do, test cakes to make, and books to read.
the night is half over, i better get started.
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[10 Feb 2008|10:54pm] |
i went to the FDR library last monday. It was beyond incredible. They took us down to where they keep all the primary documents/books(including FDR's personal collection), and it was probably the coolest thing i have ever experienced in my life. I dont know if many people can appreciate that.. I hope you can.
Kate and I went to the gym today, and it was really great. It felt good, but it also kind of made me feel like shit. As much as i dont really care most of the time, sometimes body stuff gets to me. It hard too, going to the gym and having everyone be there be completely jacked/fit. I dont care about anything but being healthy, in shape, whatever.. but i cant help but let shit get to me sometimes. Anyway, I am going to start going to the gym again, if only for the way it makes my mind feel. I think thats worth it.
I finished writing a song, basically. I am not thrilled with it, and I honestly have no idea if it will ever be anything more than a file on my computer. I think I am okay with that, but I really want to work on writing songs by myself more... if I ever get the time.
I have been trying to work and I just end up super frustrated. I wanted to scream out loud but I did not want to disturb anyone in our house. I dont know.. sometimes I doubt my intelligence, and wonder what I am doing thinking that I can write a 35 page paper in a semester that I will be proud of.
I miss Holy Haunted Head.
damn.
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